Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Movie Run Down

 Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter is a you got what you came for type of film.  The title itself is foolery and that is what the film becomes.  It's hard even to take it seriously as an action film because it's just so over the top.  They mix in real events of Abe's life and throw in some Vampires to style it up.  If this was Abraham Lincoln Dinosaur Hunter it might have been better.  If it was Abraham Lincoln Coin Collector it might have been better.  The last straw was when 50 + year old Abe picked up his axe to fight again and was jumping on top of moving train cars to defeat hoards of Vampires.  Honest Abe my ass.

 This will go down as one of Will's worst movies.  A flop.  After being away from movies for 4 years while he let his kids take over Hollywood, Will kinda lost a bit of stride.  That ole Will Smith humor just didn't snap like it used to.  The thing about being away so long is when you come back it will either seem refreshing or have no rhythm, unfortunately the latter wins with this.  The story is bland, the action is bland, the whole damn thing is bland.  Sad part is, it's not a bad movie, it's just not as good as it should have been and I think they knew it.  The whole time while promoting the film they only talked about how good of a job Josh Brolin did impersonating Tommy Lee Jones.  And while it was a great impersonation the rest of the movie just fell short.  And the whole going back in time thing??!??!?!? Come on people.  Come on.

 This was a good movie, bullshit in most places but good none the less.  The way he tracks down the kidnappers and escapes most situations were very far fetched but entertaining.  Liam Neeson also has the voice of like Jesus or something.  I just don't get making a part 2 to this film.  Esp with the angle being revenge.  Albanians drugged and kidnapped this dudes daughter and tried to sell her in the sex trade and you want revenge because he killed a few of your guys?  Sounds dumb but Hollywood wants that $$$ so Taken part 2 this Fall.  Also, at the end, his daughter was too well adjusted from just being fed heroin, kidnapped and rescued from a sex cartel to be smiling and jumping around hugging people.  I mean her homegirl was killed and she was kinda like ehh oh well I'm back home.  There was no regard for human suffering at the end.  But I'm just a guy. 
 Ehhhh.  It's like Salt.  Story made no sense and it was just dumb.  Fight scenes were dope.  Too much of her just chilling with the other family though.  That was about 30 minutes of the film they could have cut out.  It did nothing for the elevation of the story.  Her father beat the shit out of everybody only to lose to the one person that couldn't fight!!!! Give me a 100 breaks.  Skip this shit. 

Ok I think Sherlock and Watson got something going on between them.  Sherlock seems sweet on ole Watson.  But that's neither hear nor there.  This just doesn't have the same pop as the first one.  it's over 2 hours!  And the dude playing Moriarty is the dude from MadMen but the whole time I was thinking "Man Kelsey Grammar would kill this shit.  The story was oddly paced.  This was like Men in Black 3 (not worse though) it was just kind of moving along and I really didn't care either way. 

I Watch Movies


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